What It Is All About

Summertime!

Two sleeping babies, a little thunder and rain, clean house, laundry done, I'm bathed and caffeinated.  For the first time in a long time, I feel like writing... so here I am!

It's been a busy few months getting settled as a family of four.  It's hard to believe that today marks five months since little T came into our lives.  He still feels brand new and I am still getting to know him every day.  The more I learn, the more I love.  It feels like he has always been a part of this family.  When I hear him wake in the morning, I run to him.  I salvage all of the time alone that I can possibly find with him.  He is such a happy little person and smiles the moment you look at him.  He's starting to talk, coo and make raspberries.  He's also at the age where he will grab my hair and pull my face into his drooly, little grin and slobber all over my chin.  I'm loving every moment but there are times I realize how quickly the time is going.  It seemed to go so much more slowly the first time around.

Five months old!

Sometimes I feel slightly guilty that he doesn't get the same quality time that Rosie had with me.  I would sit and cuddle with her for hours on end, reading, listening, watching every move she made.  I try my best to make extra alone time with him, so he feels some of that special love too.  But I think he gets it.  He knows that he has to share, and I think it is just fine with him.  He is very easy going and comfortable.  Let's just say it like it is.  I am absolutely crazy about him!

Rosie is the best with him and she loves to be around him.  His little eyes follow her wherever she goes.  I catch her patting his head and talking to him... Sometimes REALLY patting his head until it makes a sound.  She also loves to climb up and in his crib.  I recently walked into his room to get him since I could here him babbling away in the monitor after his nap.  There she was, laying right next to him, giving him a big squeeze. 

Just yesterday, T was hanging in his exersaucer happy as could be.  I turned the corner and heard him gag and cough a couple of times.  I run into the living room and find him puking the entire bottle I just fed him.  "What the heck just happened?!"  I yell to myself.  Behind me, I hear, "Oh, he just wanted to try some cheerios."  And there is Rose armed with a teaspoon from tea set, filled with Cheerios which I assume she shoved directly into the back of his mouth.

It's moments like these that make me cry with laughter about the insanity of it all.  I'm tested on a daily basis.  And while it is true that it is the toughest job that I've ever had, it is by far the best and most incredibly rewarding.  The smile on my face never goes away.  I'm still learning and growing along with these two little people.  It surprises me how much I change, how much I evolve with each passing year. While I don't think that everyone is cut out to be a parent, I do feel it is pretty incredible the kind of person that you transform into the moment that brand new baby is put into your arms.  I'm proud of us as parents.  And I love our little family.

 I'm really glad that all of my anxieties about bringing another baby into our family have completely dissipated.  I was so worried about Rose and how this would change her as a little girl.  I didn't want her to  feel slighted or neglected.  All in all, she has adjusted incredibly well.  There are moments when I feel she does know that she has to share me and Daddy, and she isn't thrilled about it.  We have gone over and above to give her some of her own time with each of us.  It makes all of the difference in the world.

Sometimes it is a simple as the three of us jumping in our big bed to get under the covers on a quiet Saturday morning.  Telling stories, singing songs, hiding from monsters and giggling.  Even just telling her how smart, beautiful and special she is.  The other day she squished my cheeks between her little hands and said, "Oh Mommy.  You are so boooo-tiful."  

What I love most about Rosie, is that she is not afraid of anything.  She is so confidant!  Swimming, dancing in front of a crowd of people or even telling me how she feels about something.  I love that I can talk to her and attempt to reason with her little two-year old mind about things.  It helps to make things more exciting and more important to her.  She is super smart, talkative and attentive.  It is a really remarkable thing to see.  But it also makes for some serious foot stomping and temper tantrums.

We tackled potty training over the last few weeks.  I don't know what it is, but I was so incredibly intimidated to try it.  I dreaded it, probably because I have absolutely no experience with it.  But just like everything else in Motherhood, you just need to jump in with both feet and do it.  It's been going pretty well and Rosie took to it pretty quickly.  It could be the Tinkerbell, Doc McStuffins and Minnie panties.  

There are times where she just does not want to do it.  We went through a 48 hour period where she declared, "No, I'm not doing that today.  Just give me a diaper."  And then proceeded to pee all over our household.  Can you spell L-Y-S-O-L?  I have a feeling it is going to be a work in progress for quite sometime.  I haven't changed a poopie diaper from her in over a month.  There is something pretty great about that.  Though... that doesn't mean I haven't had to clean it up once or twice.  One afternoon she came to me and said, "Oh no!  There is something on the floor in there.  You better hurry and clean that up!"  Hysterical and horrifying all in one.

Our best week so far was the one spent up at our rented beach house in Biddeford, ME.  A full seven days of Mommy and Daddy and no work.  Just beach, playtime, swimming, sandcastles, long walks on the beach, ice creams multiple times a day.  It was just heaven!  Rosie is a little fishy and a beach bum.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

"I'm Swimming!"

T Man is getting used to the beach.  It was a new experience for him but something tells me he will be right there running after his sister next year.  

He loved sticking his little piggy toes in the sand and napping on the beach while listening to the waves.

So far, summer with two little ones has been pretty awesome.  Our family is busy and constantly on the move.  There isn't a day that goes by that we aren't doing something entertaining... hitting a park, a beach, a pool, the city.  I'm up to my ears in baby wipes, over flowing diaper bags, cheerios and goldfish crumbs, drool, spit up and diapers.  There is play-doh forever ingrained into my kitchen table.  Stray crayons on the living room floor, picture books, tutus and puzzle pieces everywhere.  Daily life is just craziness and I'm totally exhausted half of the time.

I've never been so happy.

Loving Two

I finally have a moment to myself to sit and put some thoughts together.  I can't believe it has already been two weeks since our little gentleman came crashing into our lives.  Time sure does fly.

I have a little boy!  Thomas Godwin arrived on Saturday, February 22nd at 3:32 am.  He was 7 lbs, 7 ounces.  It was an incredibly fast labor and birth.  Compared to what I went through with Rose, this was a piece of cake.  Okay, maybe not that easy... it was intensely painful this time around.  That was with an epidural, mind you.  But it was fast.  I think I would take that over the excrutiatingly slow labor that I had for Rose.

Just like I suspected, all of my fears were totally unwarranted.  Having another baby to love in our household has opened me up in a way that I didn't think I could be.  All of the things you hear are true.  You are awakened to more love.  More love than I ever thought I could hold in my heart.  The love I have for my daughter is still just as deep and powerful.  Nothing has changed there.  But the love I have for my son is so different.  It is warm and slow and just peaceful.  The only way I can put it into words is that we are still getting to know one another.  It is like he knows that there is a family that has been here before him and he is just finding his place in it.  I no longer feel threatened or scared that I can't balance the love between the two of them.  There is no balance or scale because it is impossible to measure.  My heart has just filled up another space that I didn't know was there.  And it all belongs to Tommy.

I went into labor at about 11 on a Friday night.  We were hanging out, catching up on old episodes of Homeland, when I realized that something was different.  I had been experiencing Braxton Hicks for about a month before my due date so I didn't pay much mind to them.  It wasn't until I started tracking them on the clock on the DVD player that I realized they were five minutes apart.  Fast forward a half hour later, and they were four minutes apart and starting to take my breath away.  That was when I started to panic.  I came to the realization that the baby was coming... quickly.  I got myself together, took a quick shower to make myself feel good.  While rinsing off, I found myself in such intense labor that I was startled.  Soon my brother-in-law was plopped on our couch to  stay with Rose until she woke up in the morning.  I got my belongings together and got ready to go.

Right before leaving, I walked into my daughter's room to say goodbye to her.  It was a little after midnight.  I watched her slumber, memorizing all of the little details on her beautiful face.  I listened to her breathing, touched her face and ran my fingers through her curls.   I whispered to her how much I loved her and how she would always be my first love.  The tears streamed down my face.  I was so apprehensive to leave her, knowing that when I saw her again our lives would be completely changed.  It was hard to go.

Once I was in the car with my husband, things started to progress rapidly.  He was flying through town, blowing traffic lights and skidding onto the highway.  Looking back on it now, it was somewhat comical.  Once we hit the highway, my water broke.  I packed every single thing I could think of and somehow forgot to pack towels.  So, there I was ripping pillowcases off of my favorite pillows and stuffing them down my maternity yoga pants.  Fabulous!

By the time we got to the hospital, I couldn't walk.  Brian plopped me in a wheel chair and soon we were running through the halls to the elevator.  I couldn't get upstairs fast enough.  When I arrived and was checked in, I was already six centimeters along.  The Anesteologist took forever to arrive.  By the time he got there, my contractions were so intense I could hardly sit still.  Once the epidural was in, I realized that I was going to have the baby a lot sooner than I thought.  It wasn't long and it was time to push.  And let me tell you, the epidural did absolutely nothing.  Needless to say, it was four hours in total that I was in labor.  It was quick and somewhat enjoyable.  Though there were moments that I didn't know if I would have the stamina to stay so calm and collected.  It took all I had not to scream my ever living head off.

We met our son and once again my life was flip turned upside down.  Brian was crying happy tears and said to me, "You gave me a boy.  It's a boy!"  and I was shocked.  I was so convinced I was having another girl. I didn't know what to do with a little man.  I just looked down at him and it was like he had been in my arms before.  He was so serene and peaceful.  He looked right up at me and followed our voices every time we spoke to him.  He fit in my arms and my heart so instantly that there wasn't a moment to doubt our connection.


The next couple of days were just about the three of us. We spent the time bonding, nursing and getting to know one another.  Brian never left my side.  That time was so quiet and special.  I didn't get to experience that with Rosie's dramatic entrance into the NICU the first time around, so this was something that I will always cherish.

Rose came to meet her little brother for the first time on the day that we were leaving. My Mom was there as well, which was a big help.  When I saw Rose for the first time, my heart leaped out of my chest.  She looked so big.  She looked weary, like she had missed me but she was also her well adjusted happy self.  She came right into the room and gave me a big hug and kiss.  I choked back my tears so she couldn't see how emotional I was.  I was so relieved I was to have her back in my lap.

Tommy had been taken from the room to go and be examined by the Pediatrician in the nursery.  Rose and I cuddled in the bed and watched some television.  We shared some fruit and a snack and chit chatted about her visit with Nana.  When the door opened and Thomas was wheeled in, I was so nervous.  I just wanted her to be okay.  We all got to meet Baby Tommy together, which was a great introduction.  I had Brian place Tommy in my arms and across Rose's lap so we could both see him together.  At first, Rose just looked out the window.  She refused to look down at him.  She was suddenly so quiet and didn't make a sound.  I told her, "Rose, this is your new little brother.  Look at him!  He's so cute.  He wants to talk to you."  And suddenly, he was hers.  She looked down at him and said, "Baby Tommy... E-I-E-I-O?"  And started to sing to him.  

"Baby Tommy, E-I-E-I-O!"

Since we have arrived home, it has certainly been an adjustment.  We go out of our way to make Rose feel incredibly important and special.  She loves to help take care of him.  When he cries, she goes out of her mind with concern for him.  She wants to hold him, feed him and play with him.  She wakes him up when he is sleeping and is constantly asking, "I take him?  I take him?"  I swear she would pick him up and walk him all over this place if she could.

I think the key is to keep it exciting for her.  We keep her involved in everything we are doing with him and never let her feel excluded.  We also have been making a point to spend alone time with her every day.  Whether I take her in my bed and read books with her or Brian takes her to her swim class, we each have time with her every day.  And that seems to be working.

All in all, our new family of four is adjusting well.  We are learning how to make everything fit.  I'm tired, I'm emotional but most of all I am so fulfilled.  I feel like our little family is complete.  Do I want anymore children?  That is really hard to say.  My husband says the shop is closed and the next time I ask him for a little one, he will bring home a teeny tiny puppy for me to love.

But truthfully, the experience of having a family and watching it grow is something that has blown my mind.  It has awakened a person in me that I didn't know existed.  I'm proud of myself and I am proud of our family.   Every day is a blessing.  There are ups and downs but the positives of being surrounded by these little people that evoke so much joy and teach us how not to take ourselves so seriously... are endless.  Loving two is easy.  Because they love us right back in such an enormous way, no matter what.