Hello New Year!

Sitting here drinking the coffee that I have warmed up three times, balancing our checkbook, paying bills, getting organized.  Daddy is back in the office, Rosie is at school for the morning and Tommy is in the middle of his morning slumber.  

It's so ironic how I can be heard complaining about the monotony of being stuck in a routine but yet thrive and get so many things done when we are back to normal.  

I never thought that I would be one of those Mom's that actually looked forward to sending their kid to school.  As a matter of fact, when Rose started Nursery School this past September, I cried my eyes out for the first two days.  She is only there for three mornings a week, but it was a big adjustment for me.  Seeing her become this independent little person with a backpack and a group of friends was a huge change.  It made me sad to see my little peanut wave goodbye and walk away from me into her classroom, without a care in the world.

Soon enough, I got over it and realized how good this was for her.  More importantly, it became clear how important it was for me.  Having mornings to myself gives me the time to have a little peace without a tornado of girly princess rambunctiousness following me around everywhere I go.

It also gives me a little quality time with Tommy, who deserves a little of that since he spends all of his time in the enthusiastic shadow of his big sister.  
  

 In this new year, I'd like to make a couple of resolutions to myself.  Do I want to get in shape and lose ten pounds?  Drink less, exercise more?  Of course.  But this year I've decided to love myself more, spend more time making messes with my kids instead of constantly cleaning them up and to go a bit easier on myself.  

After all, it is another year spending all of my time raising these two.  And I am so forever grateful to be experiencing the little people that they are becoming.

Techie Toddler Stuff: My Favorite Apps

I have worked nights as a waitress for as long as I can remember.  Since college, I always found my way into a restaurant to make extra cash.  Now that I have my own young family, I found that working nights gave me the freedom to be able to stay at home with them during the day.

Being a waitress, I have witnessed many families with children and their methods of getting them to sit still to enjoy a decent meal... quietly.  As parents, we all know how much fun it can be to take our children into a restaurant to have a nice family meal out.  We imagine a sweet dinner with please and thank-yous and best of all, no dishes to be done at the end of it all.

I have my own methods of managing the restaurant meltdowns:  Crayons, coloring books and stickers.  Inevitably, I will have to dump out the contents of my purse for a lip gloss for Rosie to entertain herself with.  Bribes of ice cream.  Fifteen trips to the potty.  A few walks around the restaurant.  But when it gets ugly, I break out the big guns.  The iPad.

Now... don't judge.  Before I had rug rats of my own, I used to shake my head at parents that would break out their portable DVD players or tablets to distract their little ones.  But truth be told, it is quite possibly the best invention I've come across.  Hey!  A Mama has got to enjoy her dinner out once in a while.  Even gulp down a glass of wine.  The iPad is mostly used for long car rides and the prevention of public meltdowns.  I have to say it is a miracle worker in these situations.  I am pretty picky about what applications I download.   A great resource that I have discovered is Ipad Kids.  It is a website that recommends new and educational games.

Here are a few of my favorites!

Peek-A-Zoo by Duck Duck Moose

 This is a really fantastic application.  It teaches kids to identify different kinds of animals and recognize sounds, emotions and actions.

Itsy Bitsy Spider by Duck Duck Moose

 

Another awesome app.  Great interaction with the itsy bitsy spider.  It educates kids on the environment, weather and different animals.

Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood:  Play at Home with Daniel by PBS Kids

In this house we love everything Daniel Tiger.  This is such a great children's show on PBS.  It teaches many everyday lessons with songs to help remember them.  This app is a lot of fun.  It gives kids the chance to interact with Daniel and all of his friends.  Music, stickers, coloring, the works!

Watch Disney Junior 

This application allows you to watch all of your favorite Disney Junior shows.  A little Sofia the First or Jake and the Neverland Pirates always saves the day!

Disney Digital Books

A catalog of really awesome digital books of Disney classics.  Rosie loves to read the stories on her own.  A lot of them feature jigsaw puzzles and coloring pages as well.

Happy Ipad'ing!  And most of all... Bon Appetit!

A Mother's Intuition

Lately, I have been reflecting a lot about how fortunate I am to be a Stay-at-Home-Mom.  I remember having Rosie and arranging a daycare for her so that I could go back to work.  When it came time to do it, I was frightened, sick, terrified.  It wasn't the right choice for me and I did everything I could to make sure I could stay here with her.  I was fortunate to find a job close to home working nights.  I work four nights a week to this day.  And while most days I am beyond exhausted and challenged by the full time responsibility, I never regret my choice to be here with them.

Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as I was in my situation.  Maternity Leaves are so unbearably short and most families nowadays have two parents that have to work full time to make it all happen.  This leaves young parents searching for childcare and help.  It's such a hard thing to go through.  Especially as first time parents.

A very close friend of mine has found herself in a terrible situation with her childcare provider, and I felt strongly that I wanted to share her story.  Mostly to help her find closure, because I know there are so many women out there that can relate to her.  I also wanted to bring awareness to other young mothers that sometimes things just aren't what they seem.

My friend began her relationship with her daycare provider when her daughter was very young.  She was in the same predicament that many women today find themselves in.  The struggle that they want to be home with their brand new baby, but that life demanded her to maintain her career.  She was fortunate enough to have a loving mother and mother-in-law to watch her daughter part time but needed a place to bring her to fill the gap.  She found a well-recommended Mother-Daughter Team type daycare facility.  Reputable, friendly, dedicated.  She was thrilled because it felt like family.  It felt like a home away from home where she could leave her beautiful baby girl without worry or strife.  It seemed like the perfect place... until it wasn't.

My friend began noticing inconsistencies.  Small things like schedule changes, missed naps, etc.  Nothing too serious, but important enough to inquire about and ask for help in maintaining.  There were other things... nothing too dramatic, but things that concerned her with cleanliness that made her uneasy.  But she loved it there.  She knew that her daughter was loved and happy and that was what comforted her in the hours that she had to leave her.  

One night the baby was getting a bath and Mom noticed a good size scratch on the back of her head.  It concerned Mom, because she didn't know where or how it got there.  So, she did what any parent would do, she asked the daycare provider, the people who spent the most time that day with her, if they had noticed it and if anything had happened at school that day?

And you know what happened?  They attacked her.  They told her she was overreacting, that she was fabricating accusations and that it was offensive to them.  Furthermore, that she should think about finding one-on-one child care since that was not the kind of quality attention that they could provide to her daughter.  Mind you, this was over text message.  Not in person, not over the phone, but via text message.  

My friend was shocked.  She politely asked if she and her husband could sit down to have a discussion with them, to try and get on the same page and to just reconnect.  They responded with, "That will not be necessary.  I have a two week notice termination paper for you.  Our differences cannot be resolved.  Sorry it had to come down to this."

So... over text message, my friend's daycare provider ended a ten month relationship with the click of a send button on their cell phone.  There was no conversation and no explanation.  While I understand there may be more color to this story, I am completely appalled by the unprofessionalism.  But what makes me really sick to my stomach is the absolute lack of compassion.  

What surprised me the most is that the main provider is a mother herself.  There is a certain unspoken bond between mothers where we understand one another and always find common ground with different struggles and challenges in Motherhood.  I think it is shameful that she couldn't find it in her heart to sit down with my friend to calm her fears and make her feel comfortable.  Instead, she slammed the door in her face and told her to take her child elsewhere.  Like she was disposable and had no use for her child anymore.  It is unkind and just plain wrong.  My friend counted on these women to love her daughter like she was her own.  To heal her hurts and dry her tears when she couldn't be there to do so.  She assumed that they had become lifelong friends and would be a loving and nurturing part of her daughter's life.  They proved her wrong, loud and clear.

As a person, I've often been called passive.  I'm often uncomfortable with situations of conflict.  I don't like to stir the pot if it isn't necessary.  I never send back my steak if it isn't cooked right.  If my coffee isn't made correctly, I do what I can with it and move on. 

Since having children, that is the one part of me that has drastically transformed.  If there is something that doesn't sit right with me with one of my babies, I speak up.  Loudly.  As a parent, it is our right to ask questions, have concerns and worry.  We deal with enough guilt and doubt on a daily basis.  Am I doing this right?  Am I making the right choices?  Am I giving them enough?  We are responsible for raising these little people and they count on us to provide a safe and loving environment for them.  

As a Stay-At-Home-Mom, I get a front row seat to much of what happens in my kids lives. At times it is trying because there really is no one to ask for help or pass the blame or get support or encouragement from.  (Yes, honey, you are an amazing husband... I'm talking about self-doubt.)  

What bothers me most about this story, is that my friend had trusted these women to step in and raise her child while she was at work, providing for her family.  That kind of trust is sacred.  Especially between mothers.  

A quote that always stands out to me, “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone  

It is so very true.  And I know it is cliche to say, but you never understand that sentiment to it's fullest until you become a parent yourself.  I've come to learn that it truly does take a village to raise a child.  Your friends, family and even other mothers around you to help you remember that you are not alone.  That you are supported and that we are all learning how to make the best life decisions for our families.  Most of all, I've learned that when your intuition is trying to tell you something, you don't shy away from those feelings.  You act. 

Forever Friends

S.O.S.

I love my little life.  I do.  But truth be told, I am struggling with the fact that I can no longer find time for myself.  As matter of fact, I am writing this blog post with two little rugrats, who are up much earlier than usual, running around the living room.  I'm attempting to slurp down my coffee which has been reheated twice and is now chilly again.  I'm sitting here writing this post because I am constantly thinki
ng -a+..*3*39+96*  ....And that was Rosie.

Sigh.

Ahem!  I am sitting here writing this ramble of a post because I am tired of not finding an excuse to sit myself down and write.  I love to write and it makes me feel good and that I have actually accomplished something other than organizing, cooking, cleaning or wiping little bums.

As a matter of fact, it is somewhat ironic that I consider blog writing "me time" and most of that time is spent discussing the ins and outs of the little people that we are raising.

I sound grouchy.  I don't mean to come across that way, but I am attempting to put it out there that I am having a really difficult time with the every day.  I need to make myself accountable.  I want to make a plan and stick to it.  Maybe even *GASP* take a yoga class.  I do find time to sit myself on the couch and submerge myself in a good book on my Kindle, watch a good TV show, squeeze in a shower and maybe even floss a tooth or two.  My point is... I am still here, in this house.  If I am not in the house, I am somewhere with them.  Most likely navigating a full shopping cart with my toddler captain and Little T in the Baby Bjorn, in a sweat because we have not used the potty in a forty-five minutes and an accident is imminent.  

I am craving quality alone time.

I originally started this blog and entitled it "Mommy Mondays" with the expectation that I would sit myself down and write a little ditty on Monday mornings about whatever was going on in our house or whatever inspired me to write.  I need to get back there again.  For my own piece of mind and most of all for my own self preservation!  These little monsters are truly the best thing that I have ever done with my life.  My own masterpieces.  But truth be told, I want more for myself.  And I think that by wanting more for myself, I will be able to be better for them.

Calling all Mommies:  How do you do it?  How do you make time for yourself?  HELP!

Guilt: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Sitting here, sipping on a coffee, listening to my daughter scream her ever-living head off because she is fighting her nap tooth and nail.  Even better, Tommy is sleeping soundly fifteen feet from her.  I am just trying to take deep breaths and not go into the room and tell her for the hundredth time that I am going to throw away her princess night light or some other godforsaken toy in her room.

I just walked in there and she is standing up in her crib telling me, "MOM!!!  YOU NEED TO COME IN HERE RIGHT NOW.  YOU ARE HURTING MY FEELINGS!  I AM NEVER, EVER TAKING A NAP!  NEVER!!"  So, I laid her down on her pillow... Okay I basically smooshed her into her pillow.  Told her if she doesn't go to sleep right away we are not going to the playground for the rest of the week.  She whimpered, looked at me with big sad eyes and lo and behold... she is finally sleeping.

I hate when I have to wrestle things like this out of her.  I get that it is totally normal, but going toe to toe with her is just no fun.  She is a little force to be reckoned with.  She is busy, imaginative, curious, stubborn, talkative, bold and outgoing.  She drives me absolutely crazy and my patience is tested on a daily basis.

But let me tell you... I have never loved another person the way that I love this little girl.  I am over the moon in love with this little firecracker.  She is my little shadow.  My little helper and my little Chicken.  I couldn't picture my life without her in it.  As a matter of fact, I don't remember what it was like without children.  I've never felt such powerful love and affection.  I have a smile on my face almost all of the time.  I belly laugh at least once a day.

Nevermind, this guy... It goes without saying how happy he makes me.  My heart explodes every time I see his little smiling face.

But here is my newest struggle.  In a nutshell... I'm bored.  The guilt of the way I feel is really killing me.  After a couple of glasses of wine last night, I finally confided in my husband and told him how I am feeling.   I'm starting to feel like I'm running in a hamster wheel.  It really is true that the grass is always greener on the other side.  The life that I am living now, I would never trade in a million years.  But there are times where I feel like I am not being stimulated enough.  I feel tired, exhausted and like I'm burning the candles at both ends.

I hate that I feel this way sometimes, because I know what a privilege it is to be able to be home every day.  I do work part time, but I don't miss much.  I don't get to put my children to bed every night, but their Father does.  The majority of my day is spent with them and I know them inside and out.

When our children are older, I will always be eternally grateful for the time that I have had with them.  I've been able to watch them grow, see every milestone with my own eyes and spend every waking moment with them.  I feel funny even talking about this because it makes me sound ungrateful for what I have as a Stay at Home Mom.  I just never thought I would miss the working world so much.  I never thought I would wish I still had a career or that I could carry on a conversation without bringing up my Son or Daughter every five minutes.

While it is true that I am working every day while raising these two beautiful children, it is a different kind of job.  It's not without effort, but it certainly isn't a chore.  There is a lot of down time.  There are moments where I don't feel like doing anything, I don't feel like going anywhere or going to the park or socializing.  And those moments plague me with such guilt.  If I am not making the most of our day together, I feel like a failure.  I beat myself up and wonder... what have I taught them today?  

First Time on the Swing

If I don't go to the playground, the zoo, aquarium, the park the library... something.  I feel such guilt.  I have all of this free time and I can't find the energy or motivation to get them somewhere every day?  It really bothers me.

Feeding the ducks at The Queens Zoo

I am a slave to their schedule.  Tommy is at the age where he naps mornings from 9 to about 1130, which makes it difficult to get out of the house without completely disrupting him.  Once he wakes, it is so close to lunchtime, that it is a mad dash to make it out of the house to get them to a park, playground, pool or play date.  Then back home for lunch and naps from 1 to 4.  

Cousins' Day at the Pool

Day at The Bronx Zoo

Every day ends with me asking my Husband when he can join me and begging him to make it as early as possible.  Usually, that includes a plea for a bottle of wine.  I don't know if I drink wine because I truly love it or because it makes my evenings slightly more entertaining.  I am constantly worrying that I am not exciting enough for my husband.  I wear the same outfits on a daily basis, usually involving yoga pants and cotton t-shirts.  I look forward to bedtime every night, and actually count the hours until bedtime after they wake up from their naps.  Not because I don't love every moment with them... but because there isn't enough caffeine to keep me going full throttle.

It's a learning process.  I am still trying to figure out what Motherhood means for me and discovering what is best for them.  I'm still changing, still searching and still growing right along with the two of them.  I couldn't be more thankful for the lessons they are teaching me and the ones we will learn together.  Someone once said to me, "Staying home isn't as easy as it seems.  There are good days and there are tough days."  Truer words could not be spoken.  The two of them are the best accomplishments I have.  They are the best things that I created in my life.  But there are times when I want more for myself.  I expect more from myself.  And someday, I'd like to figure out what that may be.

Sleep Secrets: How I Created Two Phenomenal Sleepy Heads

A friend of mine is due to have her first baby in a few weeks.  I bumped into her at Buy Buy Baby the other day frantically buying last minute things to prepare for her new arrival.  She asked me if there was anything I could think of that she needs, something that I couldn't live without?  I immediately asked her if she had a "Sleep Sheep" and she looked at me like I had ten heads.  

When buying a gift for a new Mom, I almost always go for these items.  I don't think that there is anything better that you could wrap up and tie with a bow for new, exhausted and inexperienced parents than tools to get a good night sleep.  It may not work for everyone, but it worked for both of my babies.  I would say that two out of two aren't bad odds.  I'm also a believer in the old adage, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."  So, I repeated what worked for me with Rosie and once again, I have another baby that likes to sleep.

I've been fortunate enough to have two babies respond to these methods well.  Since they were born, Rosie and Tommy both sleep ten to twelve hours a night.  Rosie is two and a half and she is still taking a three to four hour afternoon nap.  Tommy naps two to three times a day.  When he wakes, he goes back down for a rest two hours after that.  It's like clockwork for him and his sister was the same way.

I'm sure that some parents who read this are going to shake their heads at me, may mouth death threats at their computer screens and tell me that I am effing crazy.  I know that no baby is the same, but I do strongly believe that some of these techniques helped my babies learn how to put themselves to sleep and to stay asleep longer.  (I didn't say this would make them enjoy going to sleep however... Fast forward to a two and half year old toddler and let's just say it's a friggin process to convince her to close her eyes every night.)

Here's what worked for me:

Happiest Baby on the Block DVD

This is a really fantastic video with easy techniques to help you soothe and comfort your baby.  It also teaches them to soothe themselves.  Must watch & must do!

Gentle Sounds Giraffe

Any animal soother with sound machine by Cloud B will do the trick.  Rosie loves her "Raff" and Tommy loves his Sleep Sheep.  The white noise and heartbeat will keep them comfortable and calm.

The Miracle Blanket

A good friend gave this to me as a gift for Tommy when he was first born.  She raised three kids and swore up and down by it.  I have not used another swaddle or blanket since.  It keeps him asleep for longer periods of time, since the swaddle keeps their arms down and prevents them from waking themselves in the middle of their slumber.  It truly is a miracle!  I don't know what I would do without it. 

A Pacifier

Lastly, a good pacifier.  I used Born Free bottles so ended up going with their brand.  Rosie is a thumb sucker but I have found that Tommy really depends on his Binkie just to get him to calm and fall asleep.  Once he is asleep, he spits it out.  (It's kind of entertaining because occasionally, you can hear him spit it out and hit the crib mattress.)  During the night, if he wakes or starts to fuss, I simply put the Bink back in and turn on his sound machine.  It has worked faithfully.  

Tommy During His Afternoon Nap Today (5 months old)

Twilight Turtle

This last one isn't a necessity, but our chicks seem to really love these.  It is a nightlight that makes star constellations on their ceiling.  (Actually has real constellations for when they are older... they can learn to recognize them.)  Rosie has the ladybug and Tommy has the turtle.  Whenever T fusses, I just turn this on and it totally distracts him and leaves him mesmerized.  I've noticed now that Rosie is older, it also helps with fear of the dark etc.  Makes bedtime less of a negotiation when we talk about going to look at the stars!

So, in closing, I wish Happy Sleeping to all of you new parents out there!  I hope a couple of these tips work for you.  They help to keep our household somewhat sane, and I hope it will do the same for yours.  Remember, a rested Mama is a happy Mama.

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