I was at the doctor's office yesterday for my pregnancy checkup. It was totally uneventful, nothing to speak of. I went through the normal motions: peeing in a teeny tiny dixie cup (I've gotten so good at it, it's frightening), blood pressure and weight check. (Let's not go there. I have surpassed the weight I delivered Rose at. I don't even flinch anymore when I read the number.)
At the end of the visit, my MD looks at me and says, "So, I will see you in a week."
From there the heart palpitations started.
"Have you thought about packing your hospital bag yet?"
Crickets.
"Do you remember the signs of labor?"
Bewildered expression.
The only thing I could think of to respond, "So, I guess this thing is really happening huh?"
She chuckled, gave me a hug and said see you next week.
Next week. That means I am down to four more visits and the baby will be here. Actually, it could be two visits. It all depends on what this little bugger has in mind. They could come at any time. So, sincerely, I have been freaking out for the past twenty-four hours.
What I am most afraid of:
A) Water breaking and not being in an ideal place
B) The unexpected during labor and birth
C) Bringing home a newborn to a toddler that I love and worship
D) All of the above
Let's go with D.
So, I'm trying to be rational about this. Let me talk through each one of these insecurities.
A) If for any reason my water breaks in public, I keep walking, get home and never leave the house again / never shop or go to that particular location again. In the meantime, I am using positive thinking to help make it happen right here in my lovely home. However, the anxiety of not knowing when it's going to go down is incredibly frustrating.
B) The labor and birth thing? Some of me is looking forward to it. (I hear the hospital treats you to a lobster dinner with champagne the night before your departure. So, there's that.) I remember actually enjoying the labor with Rose. A small part of me is dreading it. Being a perfectionist, I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I am not 100% in control of any of the events that transpire. The last time I did this thing, it was fine. Until minutes after she was born. Then things went a little haywire and nothing happened the way it was supposed to. Let's just say that I am crossing my fingers for this birth to be completely uneventful and boring. I've even asked our families to stay away from the hospital until the baby actually arrives so that I can completely focus and have a little privacy with my husband, which was a big deal for me to get up the courage to ask of all of them.
C) To be honest, I am more afraid of Rose being unhappy about this baby than anything else. I am trying to figure out how I can make this transition with her and help her stay the well adjusted little person that she is. I am also wondering how in God's name my heart can get any bigger to fit more love in it for another little being. I am truly and utterly in love with my Daughter and every single day the love gets stronger. I worry about rocking the boat and her being resentful of a new baby. At the same time, I'm excited that our family will grow and that she will have a sibling to grow up with.
Then there is also the fear of... holy sh*t, what have I gotten myself into. The post partum, breast feeding, getting acquainted with a newborn is a wonderful and daunting thing. On top of it, I will be juggling a demanding and lovable toddler who is used to having my full attention. That definitely gets me too. I am not looking to that first day when my Hubby leaves me with two... on my own.
So... in the midst of all of this worry, pity partying and complaining... I'm trying to count my blessings and enjoy all of the time that the two of us girls have left together. Pretty soon there will be another little person that we will have to include in our kitchen dance parties.
Who am I kidding... It's all going to be amazing.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Lil' Miss Chatterbox
Well, it's finally happened. Rosie is talking up a storm. I mean full sentences, people. I remember the days when she was so small and cute and cuddly. She would fit right in the crook of my arm and I would tell her I couldn't wait to have conversations with her and hear what her voice sounds like.
Oh man, did I get what I asked for.
She talks all the time. Not like some of the time... but seriously all the time. Now don't get me wrong, I laugh my ass off throughout the day because I have this little person who can suddenly put her thoughts and feelings into words. It's an incredible thing! It's also a somewhat annoying thing. She's got my personality. She doesn't take no for an awswer and God help you if you try to convince her otherwise. I don't want to say the phrase "Terrible Twos" but we are approaching go time on that front.
Now, I'm going to have to brag a little bit here so bear with me. She can say her ABCs in their entirety. (Proof is below!) She can sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and is absolutely obsessed with Old Mac Donald Had a Farm. I'd love to make a running list of all of the words that she can say, but it's hard to remember.
Let's just say that we have pretty full conversations throughout the day. She can tell us how she feels, what she wants to eat, where she wants to go and what she wants to do. Also, she has manners. Which I love. She says her please and thank you's and is very good about saying them when she should. Some of my favorite things that she says: Beautiful, Awesome, See You Soon, Come on Guys, Look at Me, Dinner is Ready, Oh no, Where Did He Go, Play with Me, Oh there she is!
I think one of the best parts of having a little person in your house, is that nothing is ever dull. The things that come out of her mouth are usually out of the blue and totally unexpected. Sometimes she says things that I didn't even know she could say!
A couple of weekends ago, we went out with some friends of ours for dinner. Seeing as I am due to have a baby in less than five weeks, I am starting to resemble a large mammal. Nothing looks or fits quite right. On this particular day, I had treated myself to a maternity top at the Gap and I was feeling pretty good about myself. It was a silk navy top with orange hearts on it. As I walked out to grab my things and say goodbye to Rose and her favorite babysitter, she says to me, "Ohhhh Mummy! Your pajamas are beautiful!" Gee, thanks so much Rose! What do they say? Out of the mouth of babes? Yeah. Exactly.
A typical day goes something like this: In the morning, she is all bright eyed and bushy tailed and says, "Good Morning, Mommy! How ahhhh youuu?" This is an instant cure for waking up on the wrong side of the bed, let me tell you. Then she asks me if I want coffee. It's more like, "Foffee Mommy?" And then she goes to work in her little kitchen making me a cup. I love that she can tell me what she wants to eat, however, it has gotten pretty challenging as of late. Instead of me being able to chop up a few things into bite sized pieces and slap it on a Minnie plate and call it a meal, it's turned into a negotiation of sorts. It usually goes like this...
"Rose! Your food is ready!"
"Ohhhh! Wow! Nummies! Thank you, Mama."
"Yes. And today I made you spinach nuggets with blueberries on the side."
"Ummm.... no. Nah uh."
"Well, yes, that's what you are eating."
"No, Mommy. I will have pancakes."
Now, this may sound pretty adorable. But when it is accompanied by a full blown freak out, it's not so fun. It turns into a battle of wills and eventually she will break down and agree on something that entices her. Usually "yogut" or "onanges" or something that will fit the description of being somewhat healthy and then I give in.
I think my favorite part of being able to communicate with her so well is the fact that she can tell me that she loves me. It melts my heart every single time and I don't see how it will ever get old. She looks right at me and says, "I wuv you, Mummy." My other favorite is when she asks me if I want a hug and then gives me the biggest squeeze. I can't begin to describe how much this little love has lit up our world and brought so much joy into it. The laughter never ends and her little mouth... never stops. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh man, did I get what I asked for.
She talks all the time. Not like some of the time... but seriously all the time. Now don't get me wrong, I laugh my ass off throughout the day because I have this little person who can suddenly put her thoughts and feelings into words. It's an incredible thing! It's also a somewhat annoying thing. She's got my personality. She doesn't take no for an awswer and God help you if you try to convince her otherwise. I don't want to say the phrase "Terrible Twos" but we are approaching go time on that front.
Flirting with Papa
Now, I'm going to have to brag a little bit here so bear with me. She can say her ABCs in their entirety. (Proof is below!) She can sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and is absolutely obsessed with Old Mac Donald Had a Farm. I'd love to make a running list of all of the words that she can say, but it's hard to remember.
Singing the ABCs
I think one of the best parts of having a little person in your house, is that nothing is ever dull. The things that come out of her mouth are usually out of the blue and totally unexpected. Sometimes she says things that I didn't even know she could say!
A couple of weekends ago, we went out with some friends of ours for dinner. Seeing as I am due to have a baby in less than five weeks, I am starting to resemble a large mammal. Nothing looks or fits quite right. On this particular day, I had treated myself to a maternity top at the Gap and I was feeling pretty good about myself. It was a silk navy top with orange hearts on it. As I walked out to grab my things and say goodbye to Rose and her favorite babysitter, she says to me, "Ohhhh Mummy! Your pajamas are beautiful!" Gee, thanks so much Rose! What do they say? Out of the mouth of babes? Yeah. Exactly.
"Rose! Your food is ready!"
"Ohhhh! Wow! Nummies! Thank you, Mama."
"Yes. And today I made you spinach nuggets with blueberries on the side."
"Ummm.... no. Nah uh."
"Well, yes, that's what you are eating."
"No, Mommy. I will have pancakes."
Now, this may sound pretty adorable. But when it is accompanied by a full blown freak out, it's not so fun. It turns into a battle of wills and eventually she will break down and agree on something that entices her. Usually "yogut" or "onanges" or something that will fit the description of being somewhat healthy and then I give in.
I think my favorite part of being able to communicate with her so well is the fact that she can tell me that she loves me. It melts my heart every single time and I don't see how it will ever get old. She looks right at me and says, "I wuv you, Mummy." My other favorite is when she asks me if I want a hug and then gives me the biggest squeeze. I can't begin to describe how much this little love has lit up our world and brought so much joy into it. The laughter never ends and her little mouth... never stops. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Rotten Resolutions
So, it is 2013. A new year, a new lease on life. I am so not the kind of person to make New Year's resolutions. Try as I may, I find something to focus on and it never comes to fruition. This time around, I decided I wanted to change all that. I'm going to make a couple of resolutions and try to stick to them. I figure if I don't tell anyone about them, then there may actually be a chance of them happening. (Even though I am about to blurt them out here on this blog. But really... who's listening?!)
Being 33 weeks pregnant with seven weeks to go, (I'd be thrilled with less) I've arrived at that point in this journey that is just plain uncomfortable. I am one of those people that jumps on the scale once a week to see how I am doing with the expected weight gain. If I like what I see, I inevitably sabotage myself by indulging in something that I shouldn't. Well, because I am nine months pregnant. Obviously.
Let's talk about the fact that I jumped on the scale two days ago and I am five pounds away from the weight I was the actual day that I delivered Rose. So basically, I have gained a whopping thirty five pounds with seven weeks left to plunk on more. They say that you should gain anywhere from 25 to 35 pounds during the duration of your pregnancy. So, I'm at the heavy end of that spectrum. Sure, I did have about ten pounds left to lose from my last pregnancy -that I just couldn't manage to drop. So, technically I have only gained twenty five "new" pounds.
Truth be told, I am starting to obsess a little over it. I know how vain that sounds. My Husband looks at me and just shakes his head and tells me I am crazy. Tells me how beautiful I am, how sexy I am... Blah, blah, blah. People always compliment me on how great I look and that I am glowing... etc. It is so hard to take a compliment when you have stood naked in front of a mirror and can see how much your body has changed. If I am totally honest, this is the worst I have ever felt about myself. I am trying so hard to just enjoy the time and be grateful for the experience. But my maternity clothes are getting too small for me. I have a hard time sitting comfortably if I don't stuff a pillow between my legs to keep my thighs from touching. And when I walk? My thighs rub together so badly, I could start a small campfire with the friction I generate there.
It's bad.
Every time I see a Weight Watchers commercial, I find myself counting on my hand how many weeks I have left until I can walk into a meeting. It is strange to say, but I am so looking forward to the challenge of losing the weight. There is nothing better than a good weight loss for your self esteem. It's amazing how your confidence can soar when you know how hard you have worked to do something, and it's right there in front of you. Do I have to mention that my Dad is getting married six weeks after I am due to have this baby? Yeah. I'm petrified about squeezing myself into a bridesmaid dress. Although, at that point I will be able to use alcohol as anesthesia. So, it may not be so bad...
So, I decided that for the rest of my pregnancy I am going to do the best I can to avoid things that I shouldn't be eating. This started with an intervention of ridding my kitchen of all of the Christmas sweets and desserts. (I have a severe sweet tooth with this pregnancy.) It started with getting rid of the homemade Holiday Fudge, Chocolate Peanut Butter bars and Peanut Butter Reindeer Cookies with chocolate pretzel antlers. Then I dug in and threw out all of the Ghiardelli Peppermint Bark, Hershey Kisses and the leftover M&M's. Once that was finished, I felt better.
Sure enough, that evening as we were relaxing in front of the tube, I found myself searching high and low for sweets. I came out into the living room like a raving lunatic and yelled at my Hubby, "Did you throw away the last two pieces of the Chocolate Mousse pie?!" To which he confirmed. I began to pace and rummage through the cabinets like a grizzly bear in a honey pot factory. After destroying the entire pantry, I found a lone box of homemade brownies. It was like a vision from heaven. Before I knew it, I was on the couch with two brownies and a giant glass of milk.
So... my first resolution is to cut down on the sweets and eat healthier. There really isn't anything left in the house for me to break that promise with. (Trust me, I've looked.) I think I can handle that.
I'm only revealing one resolution today. Seriously... isn't one enough for now?! We will see how this goes. Pity party over for now.
Being 33 weeks pregnant with seven weeks to go, (I'd be thrilled with less) I've arrived at that point in this journey that is just plain uncomfortable. I am one of those people that jumps on the scale once a week to see how I am doing with the expected weight gain. If I like what I see, I inevitably sabotage myself by indulging in something that I shouldn't. Well, because I am nine months pregnant. Obviously.
Let's talk about the fact that I jumped on the scale two days ago and I am five pounds away from the weight I was the actual day that I delivered Rose. So basically, I have gained a whopping thirty five pounds with seven weeks left to plunk on more. They say that you should gain anywhere from 25 to 35 pounds during the duration of your pregnancy. So, I'm at the heavy end of that spectrum. Sure, I did have about ten pounds left to lose from my last pregnancy -that I just couldn't manage to drop. So, technically I have only gained twenty five "new" pounds.
Truth be told, I am starting to obsess a little over it. I know how vain that sounds. My Husband looks at me and just shakes his head and tells me I am crazy. Tells me how beautiful I am, how sexy I am... Blah, blah, blah. People always compliment me on how great I look and that I am glowing... etc. It is so hard to take a compliment when you have stood naked in front of a mirror and can see how much your body has changed. If I am totally honest, this is the worst I have ever felt about myself. I am trying so hard to just enjoy the time and be grateful for the experience. But my maternity clothes are getting too small for me. I have a hard time sitting comfortably if I don't stuff a pillow between my legs to keep my thighs from touching. And when I walk? My thighs rub together so badly, I could start a small campfire with the friction I generate there.
It's bad.
Every time I see a Weight Watchers commercial, I find myself counting on my hand how many weeks I have left until I can walk into a meeting. It is strange to say, but I am so looking forward to the challenge of losing the weight. There is nothing better than a good weight loss for your self esteem. It's amazing how your confidence can soar when you know how hard you have worked to do something, and it's right there in front of you. Do I have to mention that my Dad is getting married six weeks after I am due to have this baby? Yeah. I'm petrified about squeezing myself into a bridesmaid dress. Although, at that point I will be able to use alcohol as anesthesia. So, it may not be so bad...
So, I decided that for the rest of my pregnancy I am going to do the best I can to avoid things that I shouldn't be eating. This started with an intervention of ridding my kitchen of all of the Christmas sweets and desserts. (I have a severe sweet tooth with this pregnancy.) It started with getting rid of the homemade Holiday Fudge, Chocolate Peanut Butter bars and Peanut Butter Reindeer Cookies with chocolate pretzel antlers. Then I dug in and threw out all of the Ghiardelli Peppermint Bark, Hershey Kisses and the leftover M&M's. Once that was finished, I felt better.
Sure enough, that evening as we were relaxing in front of the tube, I found myself searching high and low for sweets. I came out into the living room like a raving lunatic and yelled at my Hubby, "Did you throw away the last two pieces of the Chocolate Mousse pie?!" To which he confirmed. I began to pace and rummage through the cabinets like a grizzly bear in a honey pot factory. After destroying the entire pantry, I found a lone box of homemade brownies. It was like a vision from heaven. Before I knew it, I was on the couch with two brownies and a giant glass of milk.
So... my first resolution is to cut down on the sweets and eat healthier. There really isn't anything left in the house for me to break that promise with. (Trust me, I've looked.) I think I can handle that.
I'm only revealing one resolution today. Seriously... isn't one enough for now?! We will see how this goes. Pity party over for now.
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