Loving Two

I finally have a moment to myself to sit and put some thoughts together.  I can't believe it has already been two weeks since our little gentleman came crashing into our lives.  Time sure does fly.

I have a little boy!  Thomas Godwin arrived on Saturday, February 22nd at 3:32 am.  He was 7 lbs, 7 ounces.  It was an incredibly fast labor and birth.  Compared to what I went through with Rose, this was a piece of cake.  Okay, maybe not that easy... it was intensely painful this time around.  That was with an epidural, mind you.  But it was fast.  I think I would take that over the excrutiatingly slow labor that I had for Rose.

Just like I suspected, all of my fears were totally unwarranted.  Having another baby to love in our household has opened me up in a way that I didn't think I could be.  All of the things you hear are true.  You are awakened to more love.  More love than I ever thought I could hold in my heart.  The love I have for my daughter is still just as deep and powerful.  Nothing has changed there.  But the love I have for my son is so different.  It is warm and slow and just peaceful.  The only way I can put it into words is that we are still getting to know one another.  It is like he knows that there is a family that has been here before him and he is just finding his place in it.  I no longer feel threatened or scared that I can't balance the love between the two of them.  There is no balance or scale because it is impossible to measure.  My heart has just filled up another space that I didn't know was there.  And it all belongs to Tommy.

I went into labor at about 11 on a Friday night.  We were hanging out, catching up on old episodes of Homeland, when I realized that something was different.  I had been experiencing Braxton Hicks for about a month before my due date so I didn't pay much mind to them.  It wasn't until I started tracking them on the clock on the DVD player that I realized they were five minutes apart.  Fast forward a half hour later, and they were four minutes apart and starting to take my breath away.  That was when I started to panic.  I came to the realization that the baby was coming... quickly.  I got myself together, took a quick shower to make myself feel good.  While rinsing off, I found myself in such intense labor that I was startled.  Soon my brother-in-law was plopped on our couch to  stay with Rose until she woke up in the morning.  I got my belongings together and got ready to go.

Right before leaving, I walked into my daughter's room to say goodbye to her.  It was a little after midnight.  I watched her slumber, memorizing all of the little details on her beautiful face.  I listened to her breathing, touched her face and ran my fingers through her curls.   I whispered to her how much I loved her and how she would always be my first love.  The tears streamed down my face.  I was so apprehensive to leave her, knowing that when I saw her again our lives would be completely changed.  It was hard to go.

Once I was in the car with my husband, things started to progress rapidly.  He was flying through town, blowing traffic lights and skidding onto the highway.  Looking back on it now, it was somewhat comical.  Once we hit the highway, my water broke.  I packed every single thing I could think of and somehow forgot to pack towels.  So, there I was ripping pillowcases off of my favorite pillows and stuffing them down my maternity yoga pants.  Fabulous!

By the time we got to the hospital, I couldn't walk.  Brian plopped me in a wheel chair and soon we were running through the halls to the elevator.  I couldn't get upstairs fast enough.  When I arrived and was checked in, I was already six centimeters along.  The Anesteologist took forever to arrive.  By the time he got there, my contractions were so intense I could hardly sit still.  Once the epidural was in, I realized that I was going to have the baby a lot sooner than I thought.  It wasn't long and it was time to push.  And let me tell you, the epidural did absolutely nothing.  Needless to say, it was four hours in total that I was in labor.  It was quick and somewhat enjoyable.  Though there were moments that I didn't know if I would have the stamina to stay so calm and collected.  It took all I had not to scream my ever living head off.

We met our son and once again my life was flip turned upside down.  Brian was crying happy tears and said to me, "You gave me a boy.  It's a boy!"  and I was shocked.  I was so convinced I was having another girl. I didn't know what to do with a little man.  I just looked down at him and it was like he had been in my arms before.  He was so serene and peaceful.  He looked right up at me and followed our voices every time we spoke to him.  He fit in my arms and my heart so instantly that there wasn't a moment to doubt our connection.


The next couple of days were just about the three of us. We spent the time bonding, nursing and getting to know one another.  Brian never left my side.  That time was so quiet and special.  I didn't get to experience that with Rosie's dramatic entrance into the NICU the first time around, so this was something that I will always cherish.

Rose came to meet her little brother for the first time on the day that we were leaving. My Mom was there as well, which was a big help.  When I saw Rose for the first time, my heart leaped out of my chest.  She looked so big.  She looked weary, like she had missed me but she was also her well adjusted happy self.  She came right into the room and gave me a big hug and kiss.  I choked back my tears so she couldn't see how emotional I was.  I was so relieved I was to have her back in my lap.

Tommy had been taken from the room to go and be examined by the Pediatrician in the nursery.  Rose and I cuddled in the bed and watched some television.  We shared some fruit and a snack and chit chatted about her visit with Nana.  When the door opened and Thomas was wheeled in, I was so nervous.  I just wanted her to be okay.  We all got to meet Baby Tommy together, which was a great introduction.  I had Brian place Tommy in my arms and across Rose's lap so we could both see him together.  At first, Rose just looked out the window.  She refused to look down at him.  She was suddenly so quiet and didn't make a sound.  I told her, "Rose, this is your new little brother.  Look at him!  He's so cute.  He wants to talk to you."  And suddenly, he was hers.  She looked down at him and said, "Baby Tommy... E-I-E-I-O?"  And started to sing to him.  

"Baby Tommy, E-I-E-I-O!"

Since we have arrived home, it has certainly been an adjustment.  We go out of our way to make Rose feel incredibly important and special.  She loves to help take care of him.  When he cries, she goes out of her mind with concern for him.  She wants to hold him, feed him and play with him.  She wakes him up when he is sleeping and is constantly asking, "I take him?  I take him?"  I swear she would pick him up and walk him all over this place if she could.

I think the key is to keep it exciting for her.  We keep her involved in everything we are doing with him and never let her feel excluded.  We also have been making a point to spend alone time with her every day.  Whether I take her in my bed and read books with her or Brian takes her to her swim class, we each have time with her every day.  And that seems to be working.

All in all, our new family of four is adjusting well.  We are learning how to make everything fit.  I'm tired, I'm emotional but most of all I am so fulfilled.  I feel like our little family is complete.  Do I want anymore children?  That is really hard to say.  My husband says the shop is closed and the next time I ask him for a little one, he will bring home a teeny tiny puppy for me to love.

But truthfully, the experience of having a family and watching it grow is something that has blown my mind.  It has awakened a person in me that I didn't know existed.  I'm proud of myself and I am proud of our family.   Every day is a blessing.  There are ups and downs but the positives of being surrounded by these little people that evoke so much joy and teach us how not to take ourselves so seriously... are endless.  Loving two is easy.  Because they love us right back in such an enormous way, no matter what.