Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as I was in my situation. Maternity Leaves are so unbearably short and most families nowadays have two parents that have to work full time to make it all happen. This leaves young parents searching for childcare and help. It's such a hard thing to go through. Especially as first time parents.
A very close friend of mine has found herself in a terrible situation with her childcare provider, and I felt strongly that I wanted to share her story. Mostly to help her find closure, because I know there are so many women out there that can relate to her. I also wanted to bring awareness to other young mothers that sometimes things just aren't what they seem.
My friend began her relationship with her daycare provider when her daughter was very young. She was in the same predicament that many women today find themselves in. The struggle that they want to be home with their brand new baby, but that life demanded her to maintain her career. She was fortunate enough to have a loving mother and mother-in-law to watch her daughter part time but needed a place to bring her to fill the gap. She found a well-recommended Mother-Daughter Team type daycare facility. Reputable, friendly, dedicated. She was thrilled because it felt like family. It felt like a home away from home where she could leave her beautiful baby girl without worry or strife. It seemed like the perfect place... until it wasn't.
My friend began noticing inconsistencies. Small things like schedule changes, missed naps, etc. Nothing too serious, but important enough to inquire about and ask for help in maintaining. There were other things... nothing too dramatic, but things that concerned her with cleanliness that made her uneasy. But she loved it there. She knew that her daughter was loved and happy and that was what comforted her in the hours that she had to leave her.
One night the baby was getting a bath and Mom noticed a good size scratch on the back of her head. It concerned Mom, because she didn't know where or how it got there. So, she did what any parent would do, she asked the daycare provider, the people who spent the most time that day with her, if they had noticed it and if anything had happened at school that day?
And you know what happened? They attacked her. They told her she was overreacting, that she was fabricating accusations and that it was offensive to them. Furthermore, that she should think about finding one-on-one child care since that was not the kind of quality attention that they could provide to her daughter. Mind you, this was over text message. Not in person, not over the phone, but via text message.
My friend was shocked. She politely asked if she and her husband could sit down to have a discussion with them, to try and get on the same page and to just reconnect. They responded with, "That will not be necessary. I have a two week notice termination paper for you. Our differences cannot be resolved. Sorry it had to come down to this."
So... over text message, my friend's daycare provider ended a ten month relationship with the click of a send button on their cell phone. There was no conversation and no explanation. While I understand there may be more color to this story, I am completely appalled by the unprofessionalism. But what makes me really sick to my stomach is the absolute lack of compassion.
What surprised me the most is that the main provider is a mother herself. There is a certain unspoken bond between mothers where we understand one another and always find common ground with different struggles and challenges in Motherhood. I think it is shameful that she couldn't find it in her heart to sit down with my friend to calm her fears and make her feel comfortable. Instead, she slammed the door in her face and told her to take her child elsewhere. Like she was disposable and had no use for her child anymore. It is unkind and just plain wrong. My friend counted on these women to love her daughter like she was her own. To heal her hurts and dry her tears when she couldn't be there to do so. She assumed that they had become lifelong friends and would be a loving and nurturing part of her daughter's life. They proved her wrong, loud and clear.
As a person, I've often been called passive. I'm often uncomfortable with situations of conflict. I don't like to stir the pot if it isn't necessary. I never send back my steak if it isn't cooked right. If my coffee isn't made correctly, I do what I can with it and move on.
Since having children, that is the one part of me that has drastically transformed. If there is something that doesn't sit right with me with one of my babies, I speak up. Loudly. As a parent, it is our right to ask questions, have concerns and worry. We deal with enough guilt and doubt on a daily basis. Am I doing this right? Am I making the right choices? Am I giving them enough? We are responsible for raising these little people and they count on us to provide a safe and loving environment for them.
As a Stay-At-Home-Mom, I get a front row seat to much of what happens in my kids lives. At times it is trying because there really is no one to ask for help or pass the blame or get support or encouragement from. (Yes, honey, you are an amazing husband... I'm talking about self-doubt.)
What bothers me most about this story, is that my friend had trusted these women to step in and raise her child while she was at work, providing for her family. That kind of trust is sacred. Especially between mothers.
A quote that always stands out to me, “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone
It is so very true. And I know it is cliche to say, but you never understand that sentiment to it's fullest until you become a parent yourself. I've come to learn that it truly does take a village to raise a child. Your friends, family and even other mothers around you to help you remember that you are not alone. That you are supported and that we are all learning how to make the best life decisions for our families. Most of all, I've learned that when your intuition is trying to tell you something, you don't shy away from those feelings. You act.
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| Forever Friends |
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